Tuesday, 2 April 2013

5 Ways Di Canio can stop people saying he's a Facist

Paolo Di Canio, what's not to love? He's passionate, speaks his mind and he is quite the character. Everything most Premier League managers seem to be lacking at the moment. So why do some people seem to be complaining that he is managing Sunderland?

Oh... it turns out he's a fascist... I see.

The only way for Di Canio to turn this around and become a hero instead of a villain is to make sure that no one can accuse him of being a fascist. He must be very careful, but I think it's possible:

5. Under no circumstances must he ever lift either of his arms above shoulder height, not even for a second. We all know how blood thirsty the paparazzi are in the UK and if Paolo was to raise his arm to wave to a friend or appeal against a bad refereeing decision then the photo could end up looking like this...

4. Sunderland should only attack down the left wing. To make sure that no pundit, commentator or journalist makes a witty 'right wing' remark, Sunderland should only play either in the middle or left hand side of the pitch. Admittedly this probably isn't the best advice tactically, but it can't be much worse than what Martin O'Neil was doing. 

3. Sign players to show he has no discrimination. Di Canio needs to make it obvious that he loves all people. Regardless of religion, race or colour. So this summer I expect Sunderland to sign 1 white, 1 black, 1 woman, 1 child, 1 gay, 1 disabled, 1 Muslim, 1 Hindu, 1 Sikh and most importantly 1 Jew. Making Sunderland the most cultural football squad in the world. 

2. No matter how badly his team defends, he must never, EVER, utter the comments of Tony Cascarino. Comparing the defensive performance of Armand Traore with the holocaust...

1. DO NOT SIGN GIORGOS KATIDIS. The 20 year old Greek midfielder who celebrated a winning goal with a Nazi salute. Fortunately he has been banned for life from the Greek National team. And for that Greek FA, we salute you. 

So there it is. Quite simple really. If Di Canio can stick to these 5 rules then by Christmas no one will even remember lovable Paolo used to be a fascist.