Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Footballers that are worth their weight in gold, meth and heroin

Players are often described by pundits as 'worth their weight in gold', but it turns out this massively undervalues the majority of players...

If 1kg of gold costs about £33,630 then the following players are worth:

Lionel Messi - £2,253,210
Falcao - £2,421,360
C. Ronaldo - £2,690,400
John Terry - £3,033,426
Adebayor Akinfenwa - £3,531,150

‘world’s strongest footballer’ adebayo akinfenwa admits he’d love to ‘smash john terry’
£3.5m worth of footballing talent, or gold... 

In fact the entire Barcelona starting XI would cost a measly £26,668,590. But before some smart-arse says 'that's almost half the price of Fernando Torres lol!' just remember that you get what you pay for...

So now pundits need to come up with scarcer, more precious items to say that footballers are worth their weight in.

For example, all based on their last transfer fees, with weights reliably taken from the internet...
C. Ronaldo (85kg) is worth his weight in heroin, if bought on the streets of Brunei
Andy Carroll (78kg) is worth his weight in meth, if bought in Australia
Luis Suarez (81kg) is worth his weight in the precious metal rhodium
Santi Cazorla (67kg) is worth his weight in platinum
Michu (80kg) is worth (a little less than) his weight in gold

So next time you hear a pundit say 'they're a quality player and they are worth their weight in gold to this team', write in and complain.